Too old for marriage??

When I’m talking with someone and I tell him or her that I am married the person who I am talking with generally gives me an almost sympathetic, baleful look. As if to say, with downcast eyes 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.” Like someone or something has died or like I have a terminal illness. They try to mask what they’re thinking but I can see them trying to figure out if I may have been forced into an arranged marriage or if my wife is a cavewoman, who clubbed me over the head, dragged me back to a cave and I am now a captive cavewoman’s husband.

The shock is even more apparent when they learn that I have 2 children under the age of 3. Like their minds cannot comprehend the fact that someone under 35 is capable of caring for a little human let alone themselves. Or my suspicion is that it is more likely they cannot comprehend anyone wanting to give up their freedom at such a young age, and that children are like an after thought of life “oh yeah, I’m 39 I guess I better pop out a kid now. I guess I’ve done most of what I’ve wanted to do, its now or never.”

When these people they find out my age I still often get the “Geez you’re young!” comments a lot.

Even from old people who are long married and “settled down”.

And it’s always annoyed me.

Is it because you think I don’t know what I’m doing? Or that I won’t know until I hit a certain age? Or that marriage is a “ball and chain, kill-joy” of an institution. Something no young person would ever dream of doing for fear of having the life all but sapped from his or her miserable bodies.

Why does marriage have such a negative stigma?

It would be easy to point towards the ever-increasing amount of broken homes, which tend to produce jaded attitudes towards marriage. Homes where the parents are still together can be even worse examples of marriage than that of parents who decide to make the split. Silent and resentful husbands, spiteful and vindictive wives living together under 1 roof makes for a horrible place to be.

TV and film are also serial offenders, rarely depicting marriage in a healthy and happy light. It’s always the same tired old cliché’s. A man rolling his eyes at his wife’s nattering, the wife complaining about him to her girlfriends, you know the deal.

Marriage is just quite possibly the best thing in the world.

When done right.

When done right, it is the most incredible, exciting adventure with your best friend in the world. 

It is security and happiness, trust pushing you high on nurturing wings. 

It’s understanding and support. Standing together as one against the troubled world and all it brings. It’s freedom to truly be you without ridicule. It is loving acceptance.

It’s waking up next to your sweetheart every day. 

It’s coffee late at night, talking about your dreams for the future. 

It’s doing the washing together, 

it’s holidays to wherever you want, 

it’s watching you’re children grow up; 

it’s looking back through years and years of photo’s. 

Memories and histories intertwined forever.

It’s the miracle of experiencing a lifetime of intimate memories together. Not with many different people disjointed over time. It’s understanding and accepting your partner’s shortcomings and loving them for it, knowing they are doing the same for you. Together you become stronger.

That’s the miracle of marriage. What I’m not very good at, Marie helps me with. And vice versa. We fill the gaps in each other. As a unit we are more complete.

And maybe that’s the point; I’m a better person because I’m married. Marie completes me in so many different ways. It’s not about being complete by yourself. We all have shortcomings, every single one of us.

Single people have it all wrong. Life begins when you get married.

I’ve been single. I’ve got the postcard, getting boozed and partying most nights. It was okay.

But I’ve done more whilst being married than most single people do in a lifetime. It’s the greatest adventure of my life. 

Don’t fear getting married. 

Get excited about it. Look forward to it, even if you’re single. Dream about what you’ll do and achieve and experience. And then go and do it.

Marriage isn’t supposed to be droll and boring. For some it is, but they can change that whenever they want to. Divorce isn’t the answer either, just a little bit of creativity and love.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy. There is hard work and graft to be done. You need to be humble and sometimes you bite you’re tongue. Sometimes you go through hell and back.

But you do it together.

And it makes you stronger.

A lot of people these days don’t want to be humble. They don’t want to bite their tongue. They don’t want to apologise just to make things better, even if they think they did nothing wrong. They would rather walk down the road to divorce than apologise or forgive.

I’m not advocating getting married without thinking or planning. It just needs to be done right, go do courses on it, read books about how to have a better marriage, speak about it with each other, with others. 

Just don’t fear it. Its great!!

I'm not too young to be married, maybe you're too old!

“You say, I’m much too young to be married. But I say, your way too old, and when did you start living anyway?” –Plankeye.

-Wes

-The Family Man-

P.S- What do you think? Have you ever got that impression from others? It's a huge topic, too big to get into in one article.

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