Why I don't..

The door is closed. It's closed but she can still hear whats going on outside of the room. Sometimes there's raised voices, other times it's quiet. Sometimes she can hear the other children playing and laughing.
That's the worst part of it, knowing that they are normal, happy, safe. It's as if it compounds her solitude, her anxiety, her fear.
She stands at the end of her small bed, nervously wringing her clammy hands.
Her heart is pumping fast, adrenalin from fear courses through her little body.
Her mind races, thinking sad things like if she stands and looks attentive maybe it will go better for her than if she was just sitting. Maybe it would soften what was coming, as if she can in some invisible way influence her predicament.

Maybe she'll be forgiven. And this will all just go away.
She knows deep down her hope is pointless. She knows. But she can't help desperately hoping.
Her body trembles with nervousness as each minute ticks by, filling her gut with cold dread. It's almost as if this is the worst part. The waiting.


The door opens.
She feels like she is going to sick.
She is told to kneel over the bed.
She does what she is told.
She can't bear it any more.
She begs.
She begs for all her life.
"Please! Please! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I promise. I promise I won't do it again! Please!" And she truly means it.

She can hear the desperation in her own voice, she can hear the faint hope that it all might come to a sudden crashing halt. But she knows it's a desperate hope.

The first streak of pain hits like a bolt.
Stinging pain streaking across her buttocks.
She lets out an automatic cry of pain. Embarrassment and desperate panic muddled together.
Her voice tightens, her throat constricts in raw panic.
A second streak of pain flashes across the back of her upper thighs.
Her eyes burn with salty tears.
More and more hits keep the pain streaking through her body.
She is now screaming involuntarily, gasping for air, her mind reeling.
Her legs are shaking with the pain that keeps coming.
She cannot escape.

Then it stops.
She's still bawling, hot tears streaking down her flushed face. The pain still coursing through her body.  The feeling of humiliation and lack of control causing the most damage.
She weeps.....





And that is why I do not and never will smack my children. Ever.

There is no argument in the world that could convince that the above scenario is acceptable and right. It is however what I think would be a fairly general way a child experiences the "discipline" smack.
Sure, there are variations, the child may not be sent to his/her room and what happens before and after the scenario probably differs with each family.
But none of that matters.
What matters is that in any variant of the above scenrio, the child goes through all of those feelings and probably more.

The dread. The fear. The anxiety. The hurt. The betrayal of trust. The pain. The humiliation.

And I can't justify to myself that putting my child through that experience is even close to a healthy sort of discipline.
That taking my hand, or wooden spoon or belt and hitting my child with it will somehow impart the things that I want to teach my child.

If you saw someone hitting their dog with a stick or a belt, what would you honestly feel and think?
I know a lot of people would probably be outraged. They would probably do or say something.

Or if you saw army cadets getting beaten by their superiors with belts or canes because they did not do something right. It certainly would be across the newspapers and T.V and there would be a public outcry for justice. An outpouring of support for the hapless victims.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when Noah sorely tests me. When he seems hell bent on doing everything and anything that he knows is wrong and knows daddy doesn't want him doing. There I times when I stuff up as a father. I might lose my temper or let Noah get away with too much, or tell him off too harshly when the crime doesn't fit the bill.

But if smacking was part of my discipline repertoire, how great is the risk that i could go too far there too?

I'm not perfect. I might lose my temper or raise my voice too loudly. But I know that physically there is no risk of me losing control because that has never been an option. And I am always working on getting better at controlling my actions and behaviour.

The way parents choose to discipline their children is a deeply personal choice. And I am not here to say it is my way or the highway. Indeed there are many areas I know I need to improve and work on in this area.

But it is really important to invest a lot of thought and discussion as to why we do the things we do. Especially in the area of discipline.
It's vital that we think through what methods are best for ourselves and most important of all best for our children, Because they are infinitely precious and deserve our love and protection first and foremost.

No matter how brain numbingly naughty the little critters can be!

We are the adults and we need to be in complete control.
In this day and age it's not good enough to say " Our parents did it so it's right for me. I got smacked and I turned out pretty damn good!"

I got smacked when I was a kid too, I don't feel like damaged goods in any way shape or form. But that doesn't mean that I should gather up my wooden spoons and take it to my kids.
There is so much, education-wise, out there to help and guide us as we raise our children as well as discipline them withou the need to physically hit them to convey a message. Every parent should really have a go at learning and trying different techniques and strategies and find out what fits for your family.

This is what our hands are for...

I know this is a bit of an heavy post, but it's something I've been wanting to put out there.  On a final note I'll leave you with the meaning of discipline.

Discipline comes from the word disciple. It refers to the systematic instruction given to "disciples" to train them as students in a craft or trade, or to follow a specific code of conduct.

Parents have a duty to their children to guide and instruct them. Doing so with the utmost love, care and patience. It certainly isn't easy and it is most definitely difficult and challenging but it is our charge as soon as we bring a precious little one into this world.

Hitting your child in the name of discipline teaches the child nothing except that they will bet hit when they get or do something wrong.

Teaching them and guiding them without the threat of being beaten when they do the wrong thing, will get them to think and grow and learn without fear, without humiliation, without pain.

And that, my friends, is a very good thing.



-Wes-
The Family man.

P.S- I feel this is a very important message for me. If you feel the same way, please share or re-post this one. If it gets even just one person to stop and think before they just do... then the article was worth writing. Thanks for reading!

P.PS- What do you think? I'd like to hear your thoughts on the topic. It is definitely a contentious area so I'd love to hear what you think.